If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
as a side note pls kill me
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