thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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