glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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