Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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