Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
