She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
