i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
