When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
