I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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