i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just had sex on a roof
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
