dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
