Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
