Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
