why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize