I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
