Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
