i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
