I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
