whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
