Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
