I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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