my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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