The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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