dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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