the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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