I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
