I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
