using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize