i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Randomize
