Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
my mouth tastes like poor choices
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
