I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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