I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Randomize
