no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He did a backflip because drugs
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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