see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
