this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
