did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
