I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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