I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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