He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
