Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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