come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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