Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
