you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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