Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
