I hate your face
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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