you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
