I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
My ass is underappreciated
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize