Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
