You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
