So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
