FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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