just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize