I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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