Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
