you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Randomize
