I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
