I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
