her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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