Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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