If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
