My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
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