Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Randomize
