Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
