I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
