I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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