The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Randomize
