totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
