My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
