So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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