Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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