Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
