Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
