i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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